Making money on the internet

I've read numerous articles about making money on the internet. A wise guy (not to be confused with a made guy) comes up with some new idea to make a stack of cash, buy selling pixels on a website and becomes a millionaire overnight or something else ridiculous. I think that it's my inablity to think outside the 'proverbial box' that limits my wealth (considering the pixel idea ridiculous).

So, I'm open to suggestions on how to become an internet millionaire. Is there some generic code that I can copy and paste then upload and manage to draw countless people to buy my invisibiluty potion or what ever I have to sell? Perhaps I'll sell my profound knowledge of google to some internet addict not willing to learn the tricks himself. How do I do it? How do I manage to pull it off and complent my income? What idea, technique, method or secret works specifically for the South African waiting to become the next rich kid on the block?

There's lots of books on making money on the internet by clever marketing but nothing specific to South Africa. South Africans are not such liberal spenders as their North American or European counterparts. They are all so afraid of marketing a buiness on the internet. Look at Kalahari.net (not a programming language) or Bid or Buy for example. Half the time you never get what you want. So in that case I just order from Amazon.com or Ebay making several Americans wealthier.

So, patiently I wait for the idea to present itself to my minds eye - the money maker.

Fighting the Proxy

It seems that when I'm not battling with Google to get a better page ranking, then its my companies proxy servers that I'm battling with. I think the guys that administer the network here are afraid of Firefox. I installed an addon called foxyproxy to allow me to change and fine tune my internet access. It's working but it's given me grief since 9 am.

Thinking too much

As a youth, I always thought that I thought too much. I wanted to grow up to become a thinker, a philosopher. I had great dreams of being paid vast sums of money for my opinion and my thoughts. I thought that my ideas were so extraordinary that i could become an academic. Unfortuantely for me however, I soon realised that there were people smarter than me... much smarter than me. I abandonned my dream of philosophy to persue a career in Information Technology instead. Now, as a 'normal' citizen of society, I search for fullfilment in my career. My job is rewarding, but I'm still in search for an extradordinary idea that will change the lives of the others.

Time for coffee...

Panic at the Music Store

I was recently at the music store. After moving from the Rap section, I entered the Rock section only to find that what I was looking for, doesn't exist in the rock section, but in the Alternative section. I wondered why this was - I sincerely thought that "Foo Fighters" and "The Killers" would be classified as rock. Goes to show how little I know.

Arch Nemesis

In the underworld of blogging and the fame that follows, my high priest Waseem has started his blog. My converts are now becoming his. He learned the internet well, but is now passing this information onto them - at no charge!

Do not make this a competition Mr. Sinister... for I know where you once ate your lunch! I link Ever Great!

Driving to Durban

As all South Africans know, the drive to Durban from Johannesburg is around 600 km long. I drove down to see my grandparents after work on Friday, arrived at 01h30 on Saturday morning and returned late on Sunday night.

I was thrilled to be back home, I hadnt seen the old folks in a while. I was not able to contain myself at all... not that I cried, but it was a feeling of utter happiness - like the dancing penguin in Happy Feet, yeah, thats how I felt.

I saw my dad, cousins and aunts. I 'met up' with some friends who had dropped out of touch. We laughed and sat around on power boxes and leaned against street poles.

Pictures to follow...

Tips to a better bowling game

After a great and awesome bowling victory, I thought that I would publish my tips on how to beat others at bowling. As my loyal readers know, I am a cyclist by heart. I haven't ridden for a while now though, but anyways, thats beside the point.

Here are the rules

Rule 1: Don't be fancy - use orthodox bowling technique

My brother Ryan lost because he was trying to be too fancy. He had combed his hair into a little Mohawk and he was trying to impress the ladies in the next lane. He lost!

You may ask, "What is the orthodox bowling technique?"

It's the technique that I use! I learned it watching '70s style comedies.

Rule 2: Become one with your lane

A simple self explanatory rule. I learned this one from an episode of "The Simpsons" where Marge was considering an affair with a pro-bowler.

Know how you lane pulls your ball left or right, so when you bowl you can compensate for this. My girlfriend Mummy did not follow this rule and her balls ended up in the gutters (but not as often as Ryan's - go baby)

Rule 3: Don't let the celebrities of local sports shows and his entourage distract you

Kerwin's game went from A to J. It was the ladies in the adjacent lane. Don't get fooled - just don't look!

Rule 4: Keep confident.

This rule is one I took from a "Shield" antiperspirant ad. Bowling is a psychological game. Mess with the minds of your competitors. My girlfriend thought that I jinxed her. This lowered her confidence and allowed me to win easily with four strikes.

Rule 5: Play with a ball that fits you nicely

As Kerwin discovered, your technique is nothing if your thumb cannot be promptly released from the ball. One of two things can happen in this situation - both involving Newtons laws of motions. Your thumb goes with the ball, so does the rest of your body - or your thumbs snaps off as in a horror move would portray.

Ok, so those are my rules, which probably will not work. I've only ever used them once and they are also very dependant on whether there is a local sports prsenter with an entourage in the adjacent lane.

Being less than the poop under a shoe

Ever imagined what it would feel like to be less than the poop under a shoe? Well, I have imagined that what it would feel like. Today is such a day. Two weeks ago to the day, I resigned from my 'new' job at Dimension Data. I have a two week notice period, so, this is the day that I am due to leave. Funny however, that in this two week period, I have become as popular as haemoroids (or hemorrhoids). People don't socially engage me, just to chat. Occasionally there will be the morning greeting, but mostly out of guilt.

I'm waiting now for the exit interview, which I requested via mail some days ago. However, it hasn't happend yet or even been acknowledged, I mean, why would 'poop' request a meeting?

Well, thats just my feeling, at least I still have my.... um... ability to transform myself into different shapes and colours depending on the situation and my ability to transcend to alternate areas plains of existence at will.

Can't wait to get home.

Words to sweep the ladies off their feet

The Rosetta Stone for some of the sexiest things to say, to get a lady to notice you

My girlfriend hooked me up with these pickup lines that are very well know in Soweto and apparently also generally very successful. So, to impress the ladies, you don't need a shiny medallion and chest hair. Just use these lines...

While talking to the lady of your choice, include these words:

Thambo lam' le Kentucky - my Kentucky bone

Ngiya qwala ngawe - With you I get full

Sumbrela sam' se langa - My umbrella for the sun

Ngik'thanda nom'uvhutha baby - I love you even when you are in flames baby

S'tofu sam' sama lahle - my coal stove

Ku chitekha ama dus'bini - Dust bins just fall by themselves (in your presence)

Shumi lam' (my 1 Rand)

Dudlu Dwadla - a phrase used to get the attention of a chubby, sexy lady...

Slender never gets tired, tired by mistake, mistake by people, people with jelasi (just a saying, not to sure what context this is used in)

Scotch never die - The ladies retort if a guy is wearing a check shirt, girls will tease him by saying this!

So, hope this helps...

Things in progress

I started reading Hitlers Mein Kampf last night. I didn't get very far, though it's a start. I want to understand why he thought it smart to persecute and entire race of people. On this list of my current reads, goes A long Walk to Freedom, by Nelson Mandela as well. These are the serious books, as well as a whole lot of Bicycling mags and a stack of various study manuals.

I've also being considering completing my BTech this year. I've been asking around for information as to how this can be done. However, it will only be in June that I can make a start.

I called my father last week to express my excitement at buying my own house. In his heart, I'm sure he was happy for me, but it wasn't the type of excitement that one would expect from a father. I wasn't too disappointed, but was kinda hoping that he would be a little more proud.

Restoring Sanity

I wish that life would be as simple as we’ve all become accustomed to. I wish that we could highlight a situation, right click, cut - and the problem would go away. On pay day, we would simply highlight our pay-slip and use the ‘make bigger’ function.

Sanity could easily be restored in a hectic office with the ‘Restore Sanity, or ‘Make My Boss Disappear’ button function.

Come to think of it, this would be similar to the movie click. I didn’t watch it, but from the previews I’ve seen, I imagine it to be quite similar to Restore Sanity function I wish I had!