Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ranting and Raving

It is indeed a cruel world! Firslty, I had to use internet explorer to log in to my blog today. Normally I use Firefox 2.0 but unfortuantely i keep getting "HTTP Status 503 - Servlet NewFrontend is currently unavailable" errors. I don't really know what it means, but I'm certain that it is because of an Apache Helicopter or a Tomcat Fighter Jet - the F-14! The error is along the lines of Apache Tomcat/4.1.24, so that is what I base my assumptions on. It's the American Navy.

I did say 'firstly', so I guess you're waiting with baited breath for a 'secondly'. Sorry to dissapoint!

Number 2 on the list of why this is a cruel world, is because of the parents of the abandoned kids that we visit over the weekends. It's really sad that parents leave their kids sometimes withouth ever having seen their child - sad!

Finally and thirdly - is the De Larey song. It drives me nuts, wink wink!

Monday, February 26, 2007

My Girlfriend

Here is a picture of my girlfriend that I always mention - Baby, this is your moment of glory. I was kinda hoping to show her broken and beaten up toe - but I realised that some readers may be sensitive to that type of gore, snot and tears....

Exploding Calves

In my fight to become a world class athlete and win the Le Tour de France, I spent some time at the gym over the weekend. Anyone who has seen me wearing short pants, know how thin and frail my legs are. These people will tell me that I'm crazy to try to become a cyclist.

At the gym, overcome with enthusiasm, I overworked my calves. Today, I had to drag myself into the office with my arms. I'm in so much pain, I think that I'm going to the chemist to go and pop some voltaren.

Cheers for now.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Waiver of Cult Membership fee

To all who may have been interested in joining a cult, considered mine, then changed their minds due to the fact that I was asking for a monthly subscription fee, good news - the fee has now been dropped.

I was hoping to use the money to substitute my income - but that is no where near my target... in fact its still zero... tying in nicely with my blog viewership/readership numbers.

I have not been writing for awhile, give a guy a break for going down the road less traveled.

Taking up all applicants now - without a fee...

Become a Delonist - Follow the cult of Delonism!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Green Tea and Blue Pee

On a recent out of body experience, my mind wondered to the Himalayas where I met with the Dali Lama. I was very surprised at his plush and lavish lifestyle – one that would embarrass the Sultan of Brunei. ‘Dals’ as he’s more affectionately known, got one of his child labourers to make me some chai green tea with a hint of cinnamon and some lemon. Traveling through the ether solely with mind power can be quite tiresome, so the tea was most welcome.

As I was sipping my tea, there was a knock on the door – it was the Pope (the one who replaced John Paul II – and no one can remember his name). He came to ‘Dals’ seeking advice. Apparently he had upset some Muslims. Now ‘Dals’ did not take to this lightly. This Pope – lets call him Benny, was about to start some ‘sh** up in here’ and have a Jihad on his hands. So, ‘Dals’ presented him with two options – kinda like the options that Neo was presented by Morpheus.

The dialogue that followed was exactly this:

“You take the blue pill, the story ends here, you wake up and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill you stay in wonderland and I'll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

Suffice to say that Benny chose the blue pill and issued a public apology.

I returned to my physical body and proceeded to urinate a pale shade of blue…