In Search Of Self - 404 error self not found

I don't know what it is, I don't know how to handle it. There are somethings about myself that I've recently learned and some other things that I have not yet discovered.

I haven't found myself, I don't know who I am. I'm not comfortable around myself. Sometimes I even feel trapped inside my own mind. It's really very weird. One would think that in 25 years, I'd be OK with who I am - well, not yet.

I've had my own place for four months now and yet I still haven't moved out - kinda like the guy in the movie "Failure to Launch". I know that if I am on my own, I will have to deal with and come to terms with myself.

At some other stage in my life, back when I was at tech, I was completely fine with my being. I was confident and people could tell. As I grew, I thought that so would my confidence - but it hasn't. As we age, some events occur that so brutally dent our confidence, build and restructure our character traits and change our personalities. These events either make us stronger or make us weaker - but whatever they do, they teach us a little more about ourselves.

I don't know what it is, I don't know how to handle it, but I feel that I haven't quite come to terms with who I am just yet...

People Know People

Ever noticed how when you're in need of a service, someone you know always happens to know someone who can help?

Example - I need to service my car, I tell Waseem, Waseem tells me he has an uncle named Ivan who can hook me up for half the price that the registered mechanics can do the job for. Or if I'm shopping for a TV, John tells me that he has a cousin who once worked for a shop where he still has a contact that can get cost price on said TV.

I don't know many people in the business of acquiring things - legally or otherwise. My point is just that if you ask around, you're bound to get someone who can hook with what you're looking for, for a little cheaper than at the shops.

Train The Brain

I want to stop my brain from becoming lazy, but how do I do it? Do I read more, shall I study wikipedia? I've decided to start increasing my dexterity by improving the use of my right brain. At this moment, it simply involves using my left hand more often, more mouse clicking, more left handed cell phone usage.

When Last

When last have you sat to watch the rain as it falls? When last have you taken a moment to smell a flower and appreciate it or even chase a butterfly? When last have you danced carelessly in the rain? When last did you pick a wild flower from the garden? When last did hop as you walked? When last did you skip with a rope? When last did you make a cardboard house? When last have you been absolutely free, uninhibited by your the opinions of others, uninhibited by your opinions of yourself? When you you last live, last kiss, last love?

Working

So here I am, working at one of our bigger clients. It's more like I'm keeping the client company though.

The Secret

Recently, my mom introduced me to a book called 'The Secret'. I'm not normally into the Depak Chopra type reads, but this teaches the philosophy of positive thinking, combined with the universal law of attraction. My problem was, until now, that I like to see tangible evidence of these philosophies and 'unproven' sciences. I got to reading it and it seems quite interesting. It teaches how 'things' are attracted to those who desire them... Sounds strange, I know, but credible people have all testified to it's efficacy. I gona give it a try.

Decision

Due to an abundant number of comments and emails relating to my previous post (two in total) - I will no longer be resigning from blogging.

The Rumours

The rumors are that I am dead, that I spontaneously combusted and my ashes were swept under the carpet. To all those who have been sending emails, wondering if this was true, I assure you, it's not.

The liver transplant was not successful. The bovine liver which was destined for me was rejected by my body. My health worsened and... forget it... I'm deleting this blog...